Challenge 14 - BUY SOMETHING AT AUCTION

Going.........going...........gone!  The hammer went down, and I was the very proud owner of lot no 133 - a UKELELE!  Tension was high, my palms were sweaty, my throat was dry, I needed a nervous wee, but I held firm and outbid the only other bidder.  I waved my white card in the air nonchalantly with a done-it-all-before air, but despite my best efforts, my childish excitement shone through as I tried to resist the urge to punch the air and shout 'Loser' at my competitor.

Why a ukelele, I hear you ask.  Not a clue, I answer.  Just a whim, and a tad more exciting than a pair of pottery spaniels or 9 albums of Isle of Man stamps!  At least I can recoup my outlay by busking.  I did attempt a bid on a stuffed woodpecker, but got cold feet at £26, and also a set of 5 flying ducks which reached the dizzy height of £110.

As bonkers as my purchase was, the prize for the Most Mad Moment of the day must go to my friend, Ann.  Without warning or forethought her hand shot up into the air on hearing the phrase '£5 for the quantity of horse-feeding fixtures'.  Splendidly, she now has the means to feed the horse she doesn't have!  I giggled uncontrollably into my catalogue, scared that my shaking shoulders might be misconstrued as a bid for a mahogany dresser with cabriole legs!










I love auctions - it's like adrenalin-fuelled charity-shop shopping while sitting on a comfortable 'mahogany dining chair with blue overstuffed seat' (lot 152).  Where else could you buy 4 gilt-framed prints (£2), a pair of eagle statues (£10) and a set of 4 oak dining chairs with turned legs (£10) without moving?




I feel an addiction coming on...

Challenge 13 - GO TO THE OPERA

This is an homage to my dad, who sang opera on a regular basis, completely out of tune, at the top of his voice, throughout my childhood. Probably accounts for it taking me 50 years to actually build up the courage to go.

Iain and I went last night to see Il Trovatore by the Welsh National Opera, and shock, horror, - opera is actually amazingly good when sung in tune (as indeed the Welsh can do with bells on). I expected to endure it, but in fact enjoyed it. I had familiarised myself with the rather strange story line, which helped - but it was completely captivating to listen to music performed without amplification. I resisted the urge to shout out "I know this one" when the Anvil Chorus came on. You know the one - Daa daa da-da da-da da-da da-da da-dada.

Another bonus was that Iain and I felt young - an opportunity not to be missed when approaching 50! And also rather well dressed for once. Opera seems to bring out all the misfits from the shires on their zimmer frames, who haven't been to a shop for some decades, and who are still darning their tweed elbows. They also spoke strangely - the only word I could make out was 'frightfully'.

For those of you justifiably worried about Iain through all this, he distracted himself with the mathematical conundrum of working out the statistical probability of someone dying during the performance given the age profile. Conclusion - 1 fatality and a near miss.

Challenge 12 - PRACTISE TAI CHI

I was worried about this one - not about the physical and emotional demands of this gentle martial art - but that I might giggle and be asked to leave with my head hung in shame. As it happens, you have to concentrate far too hard to have time to giggle, even when faced, literally, by some 'expulsions of air' from the other practitioners! It is more physically challenging and mentally absorbing than I anticipated, which left me feeling invigorated and eager for more.

We were blessed by glorious weather, which meant that we could practise outside, with the grass under our bare (in March!) feet, surrounded by the 5 elements of Tai Chi - earth, water, fire (the Sun!), metal and wood. We even tried some meditative breathing around our Tai Chi tree - dangerously close to tree-hugging, I know.

Photos were obviously a no-no as they would have interrupted the flow of The Form and upset the balance, but rather than asking you to take my word for it that I was absolutely brilliant, we took a few snaps on the cliff top on the way home. My brilliance is plain for all to see, though my husband Iain remarked that I looked more like a cross between Max Wall and Scott Tracy of Thunderbirds! My lovely friend, Denise, was very patient and waited for all my pent-up giggling to subside before capturing the moment.

We did come across another Tai-Chi nut (for that is indeed what I now am) practising on the cliff top, but he was very very small. Perhaps it makes you shrink!

I'm off to commune with nature and find Yin and Yang, whoever they are!

Challenge 11 - VISIT A CLAIRVOYANT

This was SCARY - well out of my comfort zone. Despite being a confirmed and resolute non-believer, I still would rather pull out my own teeth without anaesthetic than stay overnight in a haunted house. Irrational I know, but I am very suggestible and an over-sized woos. Felt frightened that the beliefs I have built my life on would be shaken or perhaps collapse in a pile of rubble, and I would have to start again. Luckily I had my lovely friend Ann with me to hold my trembling hand.

It was a strange experience. Tom was Irish and a little bonkers, so I instantly felt at ease, and the surroundings were reassuringly mundane and domestic. The reading alternated between spookily accurate and laughably inaccurate. I tried very hard to suppress my natural urge to blurt out my life story and reveal my soul, and I think in the most part I succeeded. Let me share with you some of the messages (though many inexplicably accurate ones I am keeping to myself to protect loved ones):

- Dad was a cantankerous old bugger, with a good heart and a big brain (TRUE)

- Mum had Alzheimers - "her brain went on holiday before her body" (TRUE)

- Granny (Margaret - yes he got her name) used to read tea-leaves with me (TRUE)

- Robert/Bob committed suicide by hanging himself - with some connection to education (FALSE - UNLESS ANYONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE)

- A border collie cross dog goes everywhere with me (SO THAT'S THE BAD SMELL THAT FOLLOWS ME AROUND - I THOUGHT IT WAS IAIN)

- My husband is a good man with a high pressured job who travels a lot (2 OUT OF 3 TRUE!!!)

- Someone in my family with a hooked nose wore a dog collar (A VICAR IN THE FAMILY - I DON'T THINK SO!)

- Lauren studied Psychology (TRUE) and has a close gay friend (TIME TO COME OUT WHOEVER YOU ARE)

- Ben will find his direction, make lots of money and look after me in my old age (BUILD THAT ANNEX BEN!!!!)

- Patrick talks in his sleep (TRUE) but it often doesn't make sense - that is because it is in Arabic!!!!! (I SO WANT THAT TO BE TRUE)

- Iain and I will both live well into our 80s and will die within 18 months of each other (SO MUCH FOR MY LONG AND MERRY WIDOWHOOD)

- I will have 7 grandchildren (HAPPY DAYS)

- The room was full of 'visitors' - friends and family who had turned up because they loved me and because I am very wonderful (TRUE! TRUE! TRUE!). There was also wine being passed around (MY KIND OF PARTY!)

That's a brief snippet. The new experience has expanded my mind, without either comforting it or distressing it. I am still a non-believer, and I am still scared of haunted houses. So job done.

Challenge 10 - TURN VEGETARIAN

For the next month I shall:

- not eat anything that has a face

- not stand and look longingly at the bacon counter

- develop an extremely irritating 'holier than thou' attitude amongst my meat-eating friends

- bore anyone who will listen about the health benefits of lentils and pro-biotic yoghurt

- attribute my inevitable flatulence (beans!) to cats/husband/children in my class/passers-by/the old/farm animals/the French

- enjoy cheese without feeling guilty

- complain in restaurants about the lack of veggie choice on the menu

- get some hippy brownie points.


My brie and cranberry sandwich marked the beginning of my challenge today - will update progress at the end of the month - if I'm not too weak!