"Captain Peter and First Officer Jen "Biggles" Hogan would like to welcome you on board this Robin Reliant Aircraft for your flight over Corfe Castle, Lulworth Cove, round the Isle of Wight and back over Hengistbury Head to Hurn Airport. Also here for your comfort, but primarily your safety, is Trolley Dolly Iain.
Conditions for your flight today are excellent with good visibility and clear skies (though First Officer Jen is convinced she can see thunder-clouds lurking on the horizon). Temperatures outside the aircraft are a pleasant 24 degrees C, inside the aircraft they are a scorching 75 degrees C.
Captain Peter will be in charge today until the aircraft is airborne, when control will be passed to First Officer Jen. Any turbulence during the flight will not be due to air thermals, but rather to First Officer Jen quaking in her flipflops. We will be cruising at an altitude of 1500 ft, provided that First Officer Jen can hold her nerve and not sneeze, cough, fall asleep, faint, panic or drop dead.
We would like to take this opportunity to wish you a pleasant flight. In preparation for take off, fasten your seatbelt, put on your life jacket and PRAY......"
"We are now approaching Hurn Airport. Captain Peter has just wrenched control of the aircraft back off First Officer Jen, whose magnificence at the controls has completely gone to her head. May we apologise at this point for the poor cabin service you have received during this flight, but unfortunately Trolley Dolly Iain fell asleep.
Thank you for flying with us today, and we hope you enjoyed the flight as much as First Officer Jen, who will shortly be running round the airfield whooping in delight and bragging to anyone who will listen."
A HUGE thank you to Peter for his generosity, time and patience!
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